10 Green Flags In A Relationship That Are Actually Red Flags



Green flags are important to look out for in every romantic relationship. However, they don’t exempt men from showing any red flags. Some toxic men are very good at purposely showing green flags to hide away their toxic behavior.


If you’re confused and don’t know if you’re dating the right man or not, don’t worry. I’ve got you.


Here are 10 things you should look out for.


(Also read: 10 Green Flags in a Relationship That Tell You You're Dating the Right Person)


He Texts You To Check Up On You All The Time


It feels very nice to have someone who’s worried about you, who wants to talk to you all day. But sometimes men like these can become overprotective boyfriends. They want to keep an eye on everything they’re doing. They want you to tell them about everything in your life.


If he constantly wants to know what you're doing and gets angry when you don't respond quickly, run away.



He Wants To Be With You All The Time


Having your own personal space is very important in every relationship. Yes, you should be spending your time together but you should also have a life outside of your relationship. Boundaries are important in every relationship. If he’s overstepping them, that’s not romantic.


You should be able to spend time with your family and friends. You should have enough time to work on your hobbies and career. You need a boyfriend who supports you in all your endeavors.


If your boyfriend is asking you to spend all your free time with him, this can feel good at the beginning of your relationship. You’re all loved up and want someone who worships you. But make sure that you don’t lose yourself in a relationship where you don’t have time for anything else.


He’s Teasing You All The Time


Jokes are a part of every relationship. If he’s making you laugh and wants to see you happy, that’s a green flag.


However, if he never takes you seriously, then that’s a problem. There is a time and place for jokes but if he’s not being serious when he should, then it can be a sign that he doesn’t actually respect you.



He Takes The Lead Every Time


Dating someone who takes the lead is hot. However, it can also quickly become controlling. Does your boyfriend never let you make a decision? Does he never ask you for your opinion?


It can start with small things like letting you pick a restaurant for date night but can soon escalate into something serious.


If you’re dating such a man, keep an eye out. An ideal relationship should be well-balanced. You both should have a say in every decision you take.


He Understands You Very Well (Perhaps Too Well Sometimes)


Manipulative men often are very good at figuring out how their victim thinks. They then use this information to gaslight them. This is what one of my readers told me about her relationship:


“One of my ex-boyfriends was very perceptive. He would know whatever I was feeling without me talking about it. This was so cool at first but then I realized that he was studying my emotions to manipulate me. When he saw that I was needy and wanted him, he would deny me affection. When he saw that I was breaking away from him and finding happiness somewhere else, he’d come running back to me. He knew me well, too well. That made breaking this toxic relationship much more difficult.”


He Is A Bad Boy Who Is Good To You


I wish I could tell you that your life is a movie. But sadly, that won’t be true.


If he’s bad to everyone around him, it won’t take too much time for him to be bad to you. Showing good behavior around you might be a manipulation tactic. A man with psychopathic tendencies is not only toxic, he’s dangerous. He’s waiting for the right moment to show his true self. But sometimes, it can be too late when you figure out who he truly is.


On the other hand, there are some men who just have a bad reputation. Everyone thinks they are mean and so they stay away from him. But once they talk to them, they realize he was just shy.


You should learn how to tell the two of these men apart.


He’s Cheating On Someone Else To Be With You


No, this is not romantic in any situation whatsoever. If he’s cheating on his partner right now, he will cheat on you too. Don’t believe his lies when he tells you mean things about his partner. Don’t believe him when he says he’d leave her to be with you exclusively.


It can feel like an ego-boost when he's cheating on someone to be with you. He’s choosing you over her. But it won’t take too much time for him to break your heart too.


Don’t be anyone’s mistress. You’re too special to be given a second place in anyone’s life. Don’t think that you can change him into a better person. No, you cannot. You will just end up ruining your life.


(Also read: 'Should I Forgive My Ex?': The Answer Will Surprise You)


He Lives The High Life


“I once dated a guy who’d always take me to expensive restaurants and bought me the nicest gifts. He spoiled me. Not only that, he was always on expensive vacations and wore clothes only from luxury brands. It was amazing in the beginning. However, after six months of dating, I found out that he was in a $150k credit card debt that he tried to drag me in to pay. I ran away as soon as possible."


This is what one of my friends told me.


It’s good to find a man who lives a good, comfortable life. But if he doesn’t actually have an income to support his lifestyle, that’s a giant red flag and you should run away from him.


There are many people who want to live a luxurious lifestyle and if they can’t earn enough to support that lifestyle, they rack up large debts.


It also means they rely too much on materialistic things for happiness. Yes, enjoying expensive things is fun but there are other ways to love and cherish a relationship. This can mean just having a cup of coffee together and long conversations. Dating shouldn’t always have to be in luxurious restaurants.


He Tells You How Good He Is To You


Good people don’t have to tell you they’re good to you. They prove it with their actions. If he’s constantly bringing up how much money he spends on you or how much he does for you, then run away. Being good is not a favor he is doing to you.


An actually good guy will let you decide for yourself how you feel about him, he won’t control your emotions. He'll be good to you without asserting that he is doing you a favor.


He’s Jealous of Everyone Who Hangs Out With You


No, jealousy doesn’t mean they care about you if they are jealous of everyone who wants to be with you. It’s called possessiveness and it’s an indication that he wants you all to himself. He wants you to only rely upon him.


He wants to isolate you so that when you get into a difficult situation, you’ll have no one to help you out. This is a recipe for a toxic relationship and you must run away from him.


The Final Word


If you’re confused about someone’s behavior, you should talk to someone trustworthy. It could be a friend or a parent. Also, always trust your gut. If the guy you’re dating seems great from the outside but your gut is telling you that there’s something wrong, always trust your feelings.


There are many men out there who will treat you well. Don't be with someone who doesn't love you enough.


Book Recommendation: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft



(Affiliate link. I will get a small commission if you purchase through my link at no extra cost to you.)

 

Enjoyed reading this post? Subscribe to my newsletter and I’ll send you regular updates. (I won’t ever spam!)


Need more help? Why don’t you check out my writing courses meant for helping people stuck in toxic relationships?


Check out Heal From That Toxic Relationship journal on Amazon!


DSC00931_edited.jpg

About

Hi there! I am Vidhipssa. I will help you begin your journey toward embracing the true joys of life.