'Should I Forgive My Ex?': The Answer Will Surprise You

Your ex hurt you. They cheated on you. They said awful things about you. They broke you down. They made your life hell.

Should you still forgive your ex?

The answer is: yes.

Yes, you should.

Don’t click away just yet. I know what I said is harsh and maybe this wasn’t the answer you were expecting but listen to me.

You’re Forgiving Your Ex for Yourself

Forgiving your ex doesn’t mean you’re taking them back into your life. Forgiving means you acknowledge how they hurt you, you acknowledge how they made you feel. But you don’t let these feelings hold you back.

You’re forgiving them for yourself.

You’re forgiving them because you want to be free. You want to move on with your life. You want to fall in love again. You want to focus on your own success. But you can’t do any of that while you’re still thinking about your ex.

Until you forgive them, you won’t be able to let go of them. So, don’t hold onto these feelings. Feel them and let them go away.

Process Your Emotions

How are you feeling right now? Have you stopped for a moment and sat with your thoughts? You must do this if you haven’t.

Don’t run away from your emotions. It’s impossible to run away from them. You’re just ignoring your emotions but they’re still within your heart. If you’re hating them, it might be because you still have thoughts and feelings that you haven’t resolved yet.

Sit down with a pen and a blank paper and answer the following questions:

How do you feel when you think about your ex? Can you get over these feelings? Do you want your ex back in your life? Do you want to date someone else now?

You can also try writing a letter to your ex to process your emotions. Write a letter to the person who hurt you but don’t send it to them. Write everything they did to you, everything you want to remember from the relationship.

Pour your heart out. Write down why you’re angry/sad/happy or feel nothing. Figure out exactly what you’re feeling so that you can take the right action.

You can only take the right step once you’re clear about how you’re feeling and what you want to do going forward.

Forgive Yourself

Forgive yourself because you didn’t make the right choice. Forgive yourself because you made mistakes.

It’s okay. Every single one of us is going to get hurt at some point in our lives. There’s nothing you can do about it.

It wasn’t your fault. They didn’t hurt you because you did something. They hurt you because of their own shortcomings.

Forgiveness Isn’t Easy

Getting your heart broken is traumatic and you don’t have to forgive them in just one day after what they did to you. Yes, you may still love them and want them to be happy. But it’s not necessary that you let them in your life again.

Because forgiveness isn’t easy at all. Every time you look into their eyes, you’ll be reminded of what they did to you. You’ll wonder if they’d do it again. You’d spend every moment doubting yourself and your relationship. I have been through this personally and it’s a form of hell.

You don’t have to keep doubting yourself. You can move on and just let them go.

(Also read: 10 Green Flags in a Relationship That Tell You You're Dating the Right Person)

Should You Let Them Back In Your Life?

Perhaps. That depends on you and how your relationship was.

There are some things that you can work on and some you can’t

Has your partner asked for forgiveness? Have they realized what they did to you was wrong? Just because they’ve come back after some time and are treating you better than before is not an apology. Also, if they’re pretending as if nothing ever happened and they didn’t hurt you, that’s not an apology either.

If they truly want you back in life, they will sit down and discuss at length what went wrong. They won’t play around, they will admit what they did was wrong. And they will ask you to consider taking them back.

Once you’ve worked out your issues, you can consider taking them back. But only do it once you’ve considered everything that happened.

You Are Not Alone

Many women get hurt by their ex. Many women are going through what you are going through. I did too.

But trust me when I say this. it’s possible to move on from pain, it’s possible to be happy again in life.

It may feel like you will never find happiness ever again in your life. That every person you meet will hurt you just like your ex did. But that’s just your anxiety talking. You will meet many amazing people in your life. They will treat you exactly the way you want to be treated.

Be Patient

I wish it was possible to move on from a relationship in just one day but that’s not realistic. Forgiving someone is difficult and it will take time.

Be patient with yourself. You’re going to have setbacks, you’re going to feel awful on some days. It’s all a part of the process.

Go for long walks in nature. Talk to your friends. Spend time with yourself. Put your phone away and just think. Spend a lot of time caring for yourself. You deserve all the self-love.

(Also read: Things No One Tells You About Abusive Relationships)

Don’t Live In the Past

Sometimes pain can really stop you from living your life. That’s because you’re too focused on your emotions and aren’t really paying attention on taking care of yourself.

Your pain shouldn’t be a hindrance to your success. Don’t obsess over your pain. Yes, you were the victim but you don’t have to continue being the victim for the rest of your life.

The Final Word

Forgiving someone who hurt you doesn’t mean you are weak. It means being strong enough to let go of things that are hurting you. I have been through what you’re going through and I know that it’s not easy at all. But looking back, I realize that I am now a much stronger person. And I know that I won’t let this happen again the next time.

I sincerely hope you find the peace you’re looking for.

Book Recommendation:

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

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Hi there! I am Vidhipssa. I will help you begin your journey toward embracing the true joys of life.